(Response to a Scribblory prompt: Write about a past moment in your life when you felt most free.)
I never felt so grown up at nine years old walking alone in the street to a neighborhood grocery to buy something for Mama. It was my first time walking in the street unaccompanied by an adult – first time Mama ever allowed me to do so. It felt so adult. I felt so free! But I also felt a deep sense of responsibility to be able to keep this newfound freedom, hoping to be trusted with more.
Mama was very protective of all her seven children. Being the eldest, I experienced her most over-protectiveness, anxieties probably and fears as a new mother raising kids that came one after the other. Mama was navigating through the unknown territory of motherhood and I was the “guinea pig”, the subject of her experimentation in parenthood.
I was never allowed to join any boy scout camping or go on a class field trip. For the first time, I was able to attend a birthday party at a disco only because the father of my female high school classmate was Mama’s godbrother who personally called her to allow me to attend the party. Assuring my mom that he wll also be at the party to personally supervise everything, Mama reluctantly agreed.
My other younger brothers and sisters were luckier than me. They were able to attend and join school activities that required fear-inducing parental consent waivers which parents need to sign to allow their children to join. Unlike me, Mama preferred to earn the wrath of her eldest son rather than signing the said waivers. She knew she could easily appease the anger by dangling and baiting other vanities a young would want – or perhaps I was just an obedient and east-to-please son.
Growing up, I had my “love-hate” moments for Mama but later learned to appreciate her for all the wisdom behind her over-protectiveness and motherly paranoia. Having gone through the kind of discipline my siblings and I underwent, I would like to think that we have all become better persons. It was not an easy balancimg act to do for Mama – being strict, risking earning the ire of her children on one hand, and raising us to understand, appreciate and love her at the same time. How did she do that?
She raised, nurtured and loved a guinea pig eldest son.
Musings of a Warrior of Life and Prayer. 